Moving notice
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Thank you so much!
Jeaniene Frost
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I originally wrote this as a long Tweet thread a couple days ago, and I got so much feedback from other writers says they’ve struggled with this/something similar that I decided to post it here. So, here it is. Skip if you’re not interested in writing stuff or the publishing business.
This week, I was on my phone scrolling through Twitter (thus cheating on my Cold Turkey laptop internet blocker) & came across a thread with an author talking about her exhaustion versus her expectations. I don’t remember the author or everything from the thread, but I recall the author said she pushed herself with writing until her health finally deteriorated enough to force her to slow down. I could REALLY relate, hence this very long post.
Lots of personal info coming up, so apologies for TMI. However, I want other writers to know if they’re struggling with exhaustion-vs-expectations that they’re not alone. Here’s what happened to me & it didn’t matter that I’d already had several bestsellers by this point. A lot of writers (myself included) tend to think “If I just get to ___ milestone, I won’t stress anymore!” but that doesn’t happen.
Okay, until 2012, I thought if I didn’t write at the same pace as More Prolific Authors, I was a failure. That was simply how I considered it. After all, if these authors could write 2, 3, 4, or 5 books a year, then I should be able to do that too, right?
WRONG. But I tried. I frequently spent 12 hour days at my keyboard, not letting myself leave even if words weren’t coming. I also frequently didn’t take weekends off. If I did, I felt so guilty that it was difficult to even enjoy spending time with my family or doing non-work things.
The reason why is I kept thinking if I only tried HARDER, it would get easier to write more. But it didn’t. It got more difficult instead. Then, I’d get so depressed seeing other authors talk about 3K, 5K, or even 7K+ word count days when I was barely topping 2K after ten hours.
I worried constantly that I wasn’t a “real” writer like they were. All of this starting taking a toll on my relationships and my health. It started with night terrors. Several times, I’d literally wake up screaming while flailing as if I were being attacked. It scared the HELL out of my husband, as you can imagine. It scared me, too.
But it still didn’t get me to slow down. I kept thinking I HAD to continue this way or I’d lose the career that meant so much to me. It wasn’t until a couple years later, when I went to the ER with severe chest pains I thought was a heart attack, that I actually, truly thought “What am I doing?”
When I was waiting for test results to see if I might die immediately, I didn’t care if I ever wrote again. I only cared about spending more time with my husband and my family. It took something that scary for me to reset my priorities.
It wasn’t a heart attack, thank God. Or a pulmonary embolism, which it could have been from the ridiculously long hours I’d spent in chairs, not getting up b/c Must! Write! More! It turned out to be costochondritis, which is typically caused by car accidents, other injuries or lifting too many heavy things. I’d apparently given it to myself from sheer stress.
Now, I still care about my writing and my career because it’s my dream come true and the only thing I want to professionally do. But I’m not willing to harm myself for it any longer. Yes, I still sigh in envy when I see authors I admire writing so much faster than me, but I’ve stopped punish myself over it.
I know now that it doesn’t mean I’m a “failure” or “lazy” or “ungrateful” or not a “real” writer or any of the other things I told myself when I was trying to self-berate into faster productivity. It only means that some people write faster. And that’s okay, personally and professionally. Publishing IS competitive, but it’s not a winner-take-all game. There’s room for many kinds of authors, including slower ones like me.
This doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally burn the midnight oil to meet a deadline. It doesn’t also mean you won’t work weekends sometimes. But those things should be occasional and not the long-term norm. Not only are health issues a real concern, creative burn-out and writer’s block are common symptoms of overworking, too.
As with everything in this biz, other writers’ mileage may vary. I’ve met authors who write every single day with no ill effects at all. And good for them, really! But just because they can doesn’t mean that all authors can. Or should. Hey, some people can summit Mount Everest, too, but that doesn’t mean everyone should strap on a backpack and try it ;))
So, if you’ve duct-taped yourself to your laptop because you think you have to produce at levels that you’re simply not capable of, take it from me – cut yourself free. It’s not worth it and it probably won’t help you reach those goals, anyway. Do your best, then be okay with whatever that turns out to be. Hugs to you!
Mirrored from Frost Light.
Hi, all. I was supposed to be at Apollycon this weekend, but I have to cancel. Yes, this is very last minute and I want to apologize to the readers who’d been planning to see me, the great staff at Apollycon, its host Jennifer Armentrout, the book seller that ordered all my books, and anyone else I’m forgetting.
As some of you know, my father nearly died last week (I blogged about it here.) We thought it was a “fluke” because the doctors and hospital basically said that when discharging him over the weekend. However, I found out late last night that he had two similar episodes yesterday. Now, he’s in the hospital again and doctors are planning some kind of heart surgery. Heart surgery is never a casual thing, but it’s especially serious considering my father’s health (as I blogged about last week, in 2014, he was diagnosed with cancer and had to have half his renal system removed. He was then diagnosed with esophageal cancer in 2015, yet has been able to keep that at bay with periodic treatments. In 2016, he had a triple bypass after the doctors discovered massive arterial blockages. After that surgery, his lungs failed and he nearly died. He recovered from that to have a major internal bleeding incident a couple months later that almost killed him. He then recovered from that only to have a mild stroke, fall out of bed and break his neck a couple months after that. Then a tooth extraction turned septic a couple months ago and he nearly died from that. Then last week’s near-death incident, and now this.)
I hate to cancel an event last minute, but as hopefully all of you can understand, I don’t want to be several states away during this time. Any prayers and good vibes that you can spare for my dad would be appreciated, as they would for my sister Jeanne, who lives with him as his primary caregiver. Here they are below. Thank you.
Mirrored from Frost Light.
This baby hippo’s best friend is a baby rhino, and he loves her more than anything in the world 💛 pic.twitter.com/p3KcZCJE1c
— The Dodo (@dodo) March 15, 2018
I got to read the first chapter of Ian's book and you didn't. Nyah-nyah! Laughed for a full minute over the opening line and the skillful use of four letter words. @Jeaniene_Frost
— Ilona Andrews (@ilona_andrews) February 28, 2018
We interrupt this blog for a Proud Fur-Mommy moment: my fur-baby, Gypsy, turned fourteen this past week. She has been a joy and a blessing to me and my husband every single day of those fourteen years. If I had my way, she’d be with us for another fourteen. Here she is, licking the frosting off her cake instead of posing. Hey, I can’t criticize those priorities – she’s mommy’s little girl ;).
Mirrored from Frost Light.
See Jeaniene, chat about your favorite characters, ask questions, and get your books/ebook covers/whatever signed at these 2018 events!
Appollycon in Arlington, Virginia on March 23rd and 24th. In addition to the Titan signing on Friday and the mass group signing on Saturday, if you’re a Titan pass holder, you can also see me at 10:00 on the Adult Paranormal, Fantasy and Urban Fantasy panel.
Avon Kiss Con
October 2018
Details to come.
Mirrored from Frost Light.